Letter I wrote to my music managers

"Dear __________,

To be honest, I don't know anybody who could fill in for this band. My friend said he'd do it, but then it turned out he could only turn up himself (bass) and a guitarist. The pro musician/ex-producer is way too expensive as far his band goes. I don't have the connections to establish this. I've been working two jobs to pay off my bills.

I'm not going to lie, I really am starting to feel as if we're accomplishing nothing. I understand what you guys originally said, that you wouldn't offer me a contract unless you could do something for me, and it took a year before we got to that point, which was awesome. But I'm guessing Michelle wasn't digging the cartoon, and that this reality show isn't going to happen. In all cases, it's okay, I understand how life works. Sometimes things happen, sometimes they don't. But if those two outlets are fruitless, where does that leave us?

Don't get me wrong, I do love working with you guys, but what am I supposed to do at this point? Start putting the cartoon on YouTube? Play acoustic shows? Pay you guys .20 for every $1 I make if/when people decide to buy something? I feel that if we go the band route, unless there is some sort of extravagant plan behind it, it's going to be something I just continue to lose money on.

When we talked about it, you guys said something like "we'll set up a show, and you bring 100 people". The number intimidated me because to be totally honest, I barely have any fucking friends. I have acquaintances. I'm a total asshole to people, it's hard for me to be nice and caring and fake like these cocksucking bullshit "rock" bands nowadays. I can't even keep a straight face when I drink black coffee, how the hell can I be expected to keep a straight face when I'm kissing the ass of some fat ass fan girl when her muffin top is glistening with the sweating beads of cellulite? I had the idea that being in a rock band was about attitude, not giving a fuck. The industry now is about "peace and love". I'm sorry, but fuck that shit. The only way to be "controversial" is to make fun of rednecks or Jesus, but if you make fun of Muslims, or certain races, it's "racism/hate". I hate the stupid double standard these fucking idiots have.

We got this contract done in late September, and I remember sometime in August you guys saying to me "Freddy, we hope in 6 months we're calling you while you're in LA and your career is going awesome". That really doesn't appear to be the likely case anymore. And as I said above, I totally understand. I know you guys are busy, and I know you guys have a life too. Originally, I was supposed to kind of "sit and wait" until we found out about the cartoon and/or reality show. But since both of those dreams seem to be extinguished, doesn't this put us back to February, when you guys had a meeting with me and said "Freddy, we're not interested in working with you unless you have a band"?

I mean bro, I have so much fucking music, and so many people fucking love it, and it kills me that I can't even play acoustic shows, or open mics. I'm going to be 27 in a month, and a year ago you guys told me to work on the cartoon. In that year, it seems like we've gone absolutely nowhere. And once again, I don't regret it man. I put 6 months of my life into that cartoon, and I took a shot that we could make it into something. It turns out, that if it will ever be anything, it will have to be an underground project without the assistance of the stupid fucking music industry. This is why they keep losing money. They can't stay ahead of the times, they only invest in projects that appear to have a following (because a singer is "cute"), and nobody fucking gives a shit anymore because it's all been done before.

I keep thinking about when you guys tried playing my CD for the dude at Universal, which he refused to listen to, and he said "What's their Twitter following? What's their myspace following...etc?" Clearly, it's a real fucking smart business method considering the only ability these companies have lately is the ability to make fractions of the cash they used to pull in. It's like they say "Beauty fades...dumb is forever". It's the same thing with music, except these jackass executives don't realize: "Beauty fades, songwriters will write good music when they're 40, 50, 60 and 70". Where the fuck do they think Katy Perry will be in 10 years? How about Ke$ha? What about these douche bag dime-a-dozen rap artists that put out 1 "club" hit, and then fade into oblivion?

I'm just sick of having my dreams shut down. I have to face reality bro: This will only ever be a hobby of mine. I will never make millions doing it. Do I have the capability? Of course. But labels don't want to take a fucking chance on something anymore. And if that's the case, they can all go fuck themselves. In 6 months from now, I'll probably be playing acoustic guitar at a coffee house to 8 random faces that'll clap because they feel obliged. And you know what? That's fine with me. If my legacy is to be a nobody artist that never had to sell himself out, then fucking so be it.

So the pieces are in place: The music has the ability to sell millions. The artist, doesn't have the ability to be that stupid fucking liar that begs people to listen to his music. I apologize if you had another impression of me. Perhaps that's how it used to be. But the fact is, we don't need a record label to make money on this project.

Please don't take this as an insult or anything, I'm just kind of venting. I saved up how I feel for tonight expecting to have a meeting, but since it was cancelled, I had to get out how I feel in this email. I was kind of hoping that this meeting would be in reference to the reality show, or Michelle saying she likes the cartoon, or just SOMETHING that would help us make some money. But talking about putting a band together? It was an idea I came up with just to kill the time. But if the reality show isn't going to happen, what's the point? I don't have the patience or tolerance to deal with 4 more fucking shitheads who just want to drink, and smoke weed, instead of sounding good.

Seriously man, I fucking blast my music every day, just imagining what it would be like if we played to a packed show at the Crazy Donkey. Just listen to the fucking music! WRAPPED AROUND YOU, LIMONCELLO, SHE NEVER GETS WHAT SHE WANTS...Dude, these songs are fucking ANTHEMS! People will fucking love them! People will fucking sing them. People will buy them!

But it's been a year and 2 months since I left the assholes that composed "Summers Last Wave". And nothing's happened.

Look, I do take a lot of the responsibility for nothing happening, I'm NOT blaming you guys solely. But if the reality is that none of these ideas are going to happen, I really don't want to waste your guys' time anymore.

If this reality show happens, we will easily make millions. I'll blow people away with these performances, I'll be that never-ending over-flowing fountain of good, commercial music. If it doesn't, to be honest, I don't feel like paying anybody to play my music, especially if there's no guarantee I'll make the money back.

Let's face it man. I'm a fucking nobody who writes hit songs. Is it even possible to change that?

I don't know. Either way, I do apologize if I sound like an asshole, or if you guys have the impression that the way I feel is directed solely towards you. I don't mean it to sound as harsh as it might through written word, the inflection behind these words is intended to be more in a "whiny friend" tone. But if the cartoon and reality show are not going to happen, I'd totally appreciate it if you guys just told me "sorry Freddy, we took a shot, but you're on your own."

-Freddy"