Sex, Lies and Obsession

So I've been pointlessly talking to a girl recently. She randomly spoke to me on AIM to inform me of an open mic night that I started attending. This was a continuation of the one that shut down, also known as "COOL BEANZ". It's now called Sonoma.

The girl told me about the open mic night on AIM, and when I showed up, she asked me the next day if I was the random cute guy. I said yes. I mean, duhhh. But the girl was clearly hooked already. This girl is one of those that has had nothing but trouble with the opposite sex. Selfish, evil, fucked up men. In fact, she actually asked me "You don't hit girls you date!?!?" surprised. I was shocked to hear it.

Now she isn't anything special. She's a typical bland girl with a decent body and bluntly, an ugly face. She's got a lisp and she comes off as completely desperate in her approach. She's a complete moron who does open mic nights to read her poetry, which is some of the most elemental I've ever heard. It sounds like shit I wrote when I was 12. She works as a "cake decorator" at Stop and Shop, and makes $9 an hour after being there for 6 years. She has no drive to do anything else, hiding under the excuse "I love what I do", while completely unaware of the fact that $9/hour after 6 years is terrible.

She's been married once to a guy who beat the shit out of her, and later made her sleep on the floor while he brought prostitutes over. Her dad is an alcoholic coke head who tries to steal every dime he can out of her. Her mom isn't much better, and her sister is a whore who attempts to sleep with every dude she brings home.

I feel absolutely nothing in regards to this one. In fact, she's a waste of my time. But she's all I got. It's pathetic really. I look at her, and I see fear. Fear that I could wind up with someone like her and how pathetic that would be. She's the exact opposite of everything I've ever wanted in a girl. We have nothing in common. She doesn't give a shit about anything I do in regards to my music or my cartoons, but she would do anything for me.

I would be embarrassed to introduce her to my family, friends or anyone. In fact, it's hard enough for me to be seen with her in public. But this one has become my sole social life. She's the only one that texts, calls and pretends to give a shit.

This band went from 1 year ago me being in almost the same position. A lonely dude with a few friends, and now it's a year later. I moved up to having a ton of friends, and then losing them all. And now I'm regularly hooking up with a girl that disgusts me.

Except she looks twice as attractive in the dark as she does in light. When we're in her car, she looks almost like a model. It's strange really. And she has perfect hygiene, which is saying a lot.

Last night I was at the coffee shop and it was another pointless hook up. I saw a barista that worked there who was very beautiful. And she seemed to be checking me out a bit. We talked as me and the nasty hook up left.

And there I was. Another night of pointless sex with a girl who is in love with me for no other reason than she has no hope to ever meet anyone else. And for me, it's almost the same thing.