At peace

Lately I've felt the more I focus on this cartoon and getting it finished, the less worried about life I become.

I had a dream last night about this psycho I was recently talking to. It's funny, I have a dream about ANYONE and then suddenly I remember good qualities about them, and I feel touched by it. It's almost as if I'm reflecting on a dead person and remembering their good memories spent with me.


That happened a couple of weeks ago when I had a dream about my ex Amelia. When I first saw her, I was like stunned by her beauty. This was back in 07. But she turned out being the equivalent of satan in a woman. I still couldn't get over how beautiful she was. We had an incredibly bad falling out. I woke up one morning thinking about the good things about her (which was like NOTHING, so for real, it was like 3 memories out of 5 months haha). I decided to check up on her see how she's doing (because for some reason we're still friends on myspace).

The girl got FAT! It's so sad to see something so beautiful be gone forever. Because she'll never be young and beautiful like she was again. Sure, she can lose weight, but it'll show. The sad thing about it, she once was small. She was skinny as hell. But she let herself go. All she ate was crap. Literally, like 5 times a day, she was eating shit. It's her own fault.

But that made me sad. I mean, she found a punching bag to be her fiance, which is good for her, because even though me and her were like fire and gasoline, everyone deserves another person. It's sad because that person I experienced 3 years ago is gone forever. Sure, she may have been the ultimate BITCH and nasty fucking CUNT...sorry, I know it's strong, but any woman that has the fucking nerve to hit me in public deserves this shit. I'm not a man that takes that shit, but at the same time, I'm not a man that hits women. I eventually just left her ass after it happened a second time. It still makes me angry though. When you want to hit someone and you CAN'T, especially after they initiated violence...RRRRRRR! Haha

I saw a few old pics of us and I just can't get over how beautiful she used to be. But she erased her beauty with her actions, and she made herself ugly. Now that all wounds are healed, she's ugly by her own laziness.

Oh boy. I enjoy talking about past loves man, it reminds me of being alive. I figure working on this cartoon at the moment isn't necessarily a bad thing because I'm paying off my debt. I need to make myself over, I just don't have the cash to do it at the moment. I'm considering rocking the bald look because my hair is starting to piss me off. Maybe being a bad ass is the way to go. Get the motorcycle, the tats, shit...It's not that the look would be foreign to me, I mean when I was younger I used to be a rebellious dick. Down inside it's still there, and maybe that's why sometimes I worry about the small shit. Because I'm not me?