Shit!

I couldn't help but laugh to myself.

I took some solace in the fact that although me and Heather slept together Thursday night, while she was gone all weekend, she didn't really text me/call me once. I figured the girl, with her short attention span, must have been flirting with dudes, and getting close with dudes...etc. while she was away. I was kind of hoping she'd come back and be like "I found some dude at camp!"

Me and Laura hung out again last night, and we were supposed to hang out again tonight, but she had stayed up almost 40 hours straight and wanted to go to bed. I think at this point it's safe to say we're infatuated with each other. Just looking at her face, dude it's like black magic or something. She's got the body and face of a temptress, and down inside she looks like she's crazy, having the ability to kill a man, but something about that turns me on so much. She's devoted to God and to Jesus, but like any other human being, enjoys the feeling of another human physically satiating them.

And the way she kisses me. Yeah, she's a great kisser, but it's the way her body moves. The way her lower back twists in the palms of my hand, opposite of how her face slants to kiss me. She's like a woman predator, convinced she's always in control, meeting a man who refuses to let her be in control, and keep her in her place.

It's SO fucking sexy. Dude like, my body, when it's around her, is like desperate for her. It's a fight to keep the "game" face on (which she admitted, she WANTS me to keep playing lol) with occasional mumblings of "holy shit you're fucking beautiful girl" in my passionate stylings. The way her body moves when I touch it...AHHH!

Shit, I gotta stop. Heather came home from her weekend trip tonight. But like I said, I figured she was flirting with other dudes, and we were gonna be kind of like "separated" when she came back. No. She didn't get that memo. She came to my house, without fucking texting me.

It kind of pissed me off, because look, when I've decided I'm "seeing" someone, I don't like being involved with other people unless there's reason for me to be. (ie: the girl is seeing other dudes too, it's about to end...etc.) And that's kind of what happened with Heather. The more I saw about her, the more I disliked. I guess when a woman is selfish, in my eyes, it's not a healthy relationship. I want it to be mutual. I didn't like that she came to my house, because I didn't have enough time to think about how to tell her I'm not interested anymore. Do I just be honest and break her heart? Or do I sugar coat it?

So do I stay loyal to the relationship that started fleeting Thursday, or do I find new options, and find something that suits me best?

We live once. There's only one option within that philosophy.

I just made sure we didn't kiss. She kept trying to touch me, although I kept my distance. But I wouldn't let her kiss me. I was like "yo my breath stinks" and so did hers to be honest. And as she was there, I just kept seeing like a ghost of Laura. I just want her bad. It's like cocaine.