Dear San Diego Chargers

Dear San Diego Chargers,

I am sick of being hopelessly devoted to you. I am sick of every year, you build me up with amazing, gutsy play. You make it look like a Superbowl winner during the season. You steal my breath away, and fill me up with hope and love that for once in my life, that something I've been devoted to, that I've been passionate about since I was young, could finally put the wind beneath my arms and lift them high in the air to yell "CHAMPIONS!"

And then come the playoffs. Unless you're playing the Colts, you somehow find a way to lose. No, the Jets didn't win this fucking game. The Chargers lost this fucking game. Like 3 out of the last 4 years! And now I gotta read 400 mother fucking posts from "Jets" fans on Facebook who seem to be spelling the word "Giants" wrong. Oh wait, no, they're just like every NY fan. It's easy to raise your hand and FACEBOOK status in victory when you only have to give a half-ass effort every year by hearing from your friend "Oh yeah, a NY team is in the playoffs!" and then suddenly you've been a fan all fucking year! Is that what I need to do?

No. See, because in my life, my emotional vicissitudes have provided few constants. The only constants are things that don't have to return the affection: ie: The Chargers/Padres. Both teams that emotionally abuse me worse than a piece of shit girlfriend. And like the devoted boyfriend (or girlfriend if you are a female reading this) I sit and take the punches.

The Chargers don't care how the fuck I feel. They don't care that all week I sit praying to God to give me a taste of what it's like to be a champion. Nate Kaeding doesn't give a fuck when he misses 2 CHIP IN shots but still attends the pro bowl. The asshole team getting penalties on almost every play doesn't think to themself, "man we've got some people that are in love with this team!"

So when do I learn this? I don't. I'm just like that girl that never had a father, that's always been subject to emotional and physical abuse from dudes since their nascent dating trysts. The Chargers break my heart after an amazing year, and now I get to be depressed and drink and cry under the football skies wondering if there will ever be a team for me! Or if there will ever be a team that loves me back!

Hmm, makes me think of my ex girlfriend now...Antonia. Ha, me and her were on off for about a year and a half, maybe 2 years. So was she the Chargers fan? Was I the football team that played for a few months and then had an entire offseason? No, she was a shallow gold digger, so that doesn't count. I went back to the girl for a long time because we had some insane chemistry and when we were hot, we were HOT. But when we were cold, we were evil to each other. It was the most dysfunctional relationship I've ever had, and maybe that's what made me feel such passion for the girl.

When we broke up last June, I was serious. For the last time. Every time me and her broke up, and then got back together in 3 months, there was something about her I was convinced I couldn't describe. I wanted to discover it. So we kept getting back/getting off...etc. What was it that finally drove me away? Her lack of passion. She wanted me to buy her shit, give her things, do things that I couldn't do, while doing nothing to reciprocate. I told her the only two things I ever loved was when a girl scratches my back or buys me ice cream. She never did either one. Anytime that I ever had thoughts of running back to her since June, I killed it with the idea that she was shallow as fuck.

But is that what it is with the Chargers? I love them because during the regular season they play like champs and make me BELIEVE that they love me too! I talk about them all the time, I'm fucking filled with happiness that MY team, after NEVER winning, FINALLY has a shot to take it all! And then they don't. And then they leave me for 8 months. And then they come back by playing at the top of their game. And then I start to believe again!

Oh love is such an abusive fucked up game. And it'll never stop. Every year I'll go through this cycle.

But what IF we ever win a Superbowl? Or a World Series championship? Then I'll just want more, right?

WHo the fuck knows. I'll never know that feeling because San Diego prides itself on being the best during the season and failing in the playoffs....fuck me...

Love,

Fred