I talk too much, I don't sleep enough

My sleep apnea is slowly killing me. I just got health insurance though, and hopefully, I can get it fixed within the month. It's not diagnosed, so technically, it's not a "pre-existing condition".

Whenever I go to sleep, I wake up minutes later because I choke. I stop breathing. It's a real condition. And it results in me being tired as hell all day, every day. I have no energy.

I wonder how awesome it would feel to have a full night of sleep, and have energy the next morning, all day.

And when I feel empty inside, I realize I write too much.

I tried reading some of my old blogs, but I couldn't. This is therapy. It feels like 85% of these words are words I write just to feel like they're being said, whether or not they mean anything.

I read my old blogs. When I was desperate to be a rock star, and this blog was intended to be public. I wasn't real. I didn't even divulge how I felt about being deployed to Kuwait. I just said "the worst thing possible happened to me." I don't know why I hid that shit.

I really don't give a fuck anymore. What successful musician does?

My music is all negative now, at least that's how it feels. Too much "positivity" and "happiness" in the music scene nowadays.

But not negative in an emo sense. Maybe more negative in the mind of someone who's just fucking insane.

These words mean nothing, I'm just fucking typing because I don't know what else to do right now.

I didn't want to go out because I've done that for the past few weeks, and that shit sucks. I talk to girls, deal with douche bag guys and in the end, it's just a waste of fucking gas. What's the point?