Watching my soul fly away

I've felt dead this past week. I've felt like a living shell of a body with nothing inside.

Dead at 26, ha.

I wrote a suicide note today. I didn't plan on killing myself, but I wrote it to see how I'd feel.

I can't imagine how the fuck to get out of this rut.

It's really one of the first times I've ever felt like I have no hope. I have no direction.

I'm lost.

I have no passion for anything I do right now.

The world is just getting darker and colder every day.

I feel like I've become black and white, inside and outside.

I don't know what I like, what I believe in (other than God) or what I want. Where I need to go.

It's terrible. I've never felt this way before. Never.

I've never felt better off dead in my life.

We tell people "you have so much to live for", but what?

What is there to live for?

The career I may never know is "for me"? The womAn I'll never meet? To write music that nobody hears?

Nobody knows how I feel inside. Nobody knows that I'm already dead.

I don't know if I'd ever kill myself, although the idea of eternal rest sounds intriguing to me.

Because at this point, I'm close to believing there's nothing in this life that I would miss.