Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not. When I look in retrospect at this band, things started off great. I had a great group of guys, and extremely marketable. Slowly, things started happening that destroyed our chemistry: Mike and Chris. Mike never showing up. Chris with his terrible attitude. Tim and Mandrew became a part of it slowly. Mandrew not so much. The problem is the poison slowly spread.
I grew to hate seeing pictures of Mike's girlfriend. Mainly his audacity to promise me he'd be there with me, like this would be "our" project, and then to abandon it for her. It pissed me off. It pissed me off that Tim became his best friend. It pissed me off that Tim, Andrew, Mike and Chris all would hang out, while I stayed at home. It really fucking made me angry.
So at this point what do I want? Sometimes I don't even know. I sometimes don't even care. I don't want to be a sellout. I don't want to be famous. What the hell do I have going?
One of my friends just asked that since I don't have a band, if her friend should give our demo to his "uncle" at some record company (it's the same story with everyone really...EVERYONE knows a record company...who the fuck cares?) I flipped out on her when she asked this question. I got mad at the industry, at how they treat bands, and how I already am in debt. What the hell could a record company do for me anyway?
I wish I could cure this problem. I don't know what it is with me. I feel like I destroy everything. But at the same time, fuck these guys. It's not fair that they just ride my coat tails to success, when if my music is truly meant for great things, I could find 4 people whom I don't hate.
I'm working on my "insane" idea. I don't care how it comes off at this point. Fuck it. I have nothing to lose.
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