Step 1: Accept

I went to see a therapist with my mom today, and I gotta say, it was one of the best things I've ever done.

I already feel that discussing myself and my life with a professional can help me unravel the years of pain and stupidity I've self-incurred. She asked me a lot of questions about my life, and my overall negative attitude towards women. She suggested me and my mother spend some time together, and I'll be honest, that made me happy. Spending time with my mom and seeing that she wanted to spend time with me made me feel like she loved me, and I really feel this is the first step to reinventing my ideas on what love needs to be.

I guess it makes sense, we can have good parents who raise us well, but sometimes one of us gets neglected growing up. And it made sense that I, being the oldest, got the short end of the stick from my mom, albeit non intentionally. My brother was born a year and a half after me, and then suddenly, I wasn't the "baby" anymore. And then my sister was born. There was always somebody else getting more attention from my mom.

We discussed it today and she mentioned that it was never intentional, it was just life, and to be honest, I don't hold it against her.