Breathe in...exhale...

Be patient...

Patience is a virtue I lack. I want everything NOW NOW NOW, and when I don't get it right away, it drives me crazy! And when I get it, I don't want it anymore. It's my life story.

I'm on to the third stage of the interview process. Wow. My first job application with three interviewing steps: one to ensure competence, second to ensure my ability to hold a conversation and sound friendly over the phone, and the third step (on Veterans Day) to ensure I'm the right man for the job!

I can't help but look toward the future and be excited about my prospects of moving back west. I guess this is "selling out", right? I mean, I'm ready to slow down the chase of doing something with my art, whether it be the music, animation or whatever, in order to find my place and succeed in the corporate world.

Or am I doing what it takes to get ahead?

I'm not going to lie, the fact that I could transfer to my old home town made this job incredibly more appealing.

But the chance to start over can NOT be taken lightly. I've had this opportunity too many times in my past, and too many times I wasn't prepared for what "starting over" truly offered.

I read this blog recently in it's nascent stages. I was concealing myself. I was embarrassed at who I truly am: overly opinionated, overly analytical, son of a dramatic conservative and a mom that didn't appear to love him. Those things don't work well in the rock star world, a world built on politics, whether they like to admit it or not.

Considering that a move to California couldn't pan out anytime soon, at least not for 5-6 months, I need to slowly change myself for the better.

The first step I've decided is the most important: When I'm with a friend and talking about another person, I have to find only POSITIVE things to say about them. This is something I just realized, yesterday. In my entire life, there are few people who I've ever said positive things about. Most of the time, I'm honest when expressing my opinion of somebody. But the truth is, those words get back to that person. They get hurt. They dislike me, then their friends dislike me...etc. Domino effect.

But when you say something positive about somebody, it boosts their opinion of you. That happened to me once. A girl asked an old friend of mine what he thought of me, and he had nothing but good things to say about me, although I expected him to trash me. I haven't talked to him since, but my opinion of him since has only been positive.

Being friendly, and being myself. 90% of the time, I'm happy as hell. The other 10%, I'm writing in this blog. It's too bad I don't write when I'm happy, otherwise this thing would be filled with posts.

People like my smile, people like my attitude. People like positivity. People don't like a New Yorker pretending to be an asshole.

What are my goals for the west coast? Living. Loving. Laughing. Enjoying life.

Playing football on the beach, playing guitars on the beach. Playing music at bars. Going to the Padres game, the Chargers game, having the ability to scream at the top of my lungs again for my favorite teams! Playing softball. Going hiking. Hanging out all night in the gaslamp district. Going to the desert, or the mountains, being inspired. Going to Disneyland. Having friends. Having lots of friends. Living. LIVING.

This is the future I see for myself when I leave New York. As somebody who is more optimistic than not (believe it or not!), the future in New York will only be more of the same: Awkwardness with broken social scenes. Clubs. Random shallow hook ups. 4 months of nice weather, 8 months of gray skies and brown, dead trees.

The only thing I'm losing by moving west is my family. And that is NOT an easy thing for me to do. I love my family. I'm extremely close with all of them. But the truth is that I will never become the man I need to be if I don't ween myself away.

And if I remember anything about California, it's that there were days I was having TERRIBLE days, but the weather soothed my soul. Maybe that's the balance I need. In New York, when I'm having a TERRIBLE day, a gray sky, and SNOW IN NOVEMBER can make it worse. I mean, it's not even pretty snow. It's ugly ass slush accumulating dirt on the side of the road.

See what I did there!?! Negativity!

Environment is KEY in my life, and the proof is my experience in the military. I hated where I was. It made me depressed. I got out, and things changed.

Being west again, can I love life? Can I be laid back? The excitement, the hope and the plotting of all of this make me more anxious.

There is so much to do out west. I remember it. I never liked being indoors. In New York, it's too hot and humid, or it's too freezing. There is only a span of 2 months when it's "comfortable" to be outside: April and May!

I've slowly put my dreams on the back burner in order to chase something more solid. While I've been blessed with the ability to write music that people can relate to, it's something I originally created out of spite, and out of desire for attention. Part of growing up is letting those things go.

Does that mean I'm letting it all go? No. I cannot waste my talent. But there are other ways to pursue it.

On another note, I spoke with my management team again today, and there's no news. Yaaaawn. I'm sick of waiting, really.