Watching the world change...

I see some people I graduated from highschool with, almost 10 years later, are married. Some are fat. Some have their perfect skin looking lizardish nowadays after all the years of tanning. Some have kids. Some have died.

It's scary seeing and knowing these things. Knowing that the youth in our life is over. It's gone, and it's never coming back. It may be a quotidian theme in my life, but we never thought we would get old. Ever. And now here it is. I'm encroaching 30, and so are all my old friends.

It's frightening to me to watch things change. I have to let go of what I used to have: beauty and hair.

When I was young, I had no confidence. I thought I was ugly. When I was skinny, and had hair. But I saw all the time, when I walked by some girls, they'd drop their jaw. They'd be speechless. And I was scared to talk to them. It's not like that anymore. Sure, it happens here and there, but it's not what it was.

Maybe it explains my recent streak of mothers trying to hook up with me. They know I'll give em beautiful kids. Haha.

It's been 1 day since I decided no more hook ups, and already, I have 2 "blasts from the pasts" in hot pursuit of me. That's how it always works, right? You take yourself off the market, and now people want you.

It's difficult to be a man and say no, but I must continue to be strong. I was talking to one on facebook last night, and she brought up a time we slept together, and it got me turned on, not gonna lie. But it's a man fighting "being a man", for unknown reasons. Maybe it's the faith I've got that if I clean up my act, God will hook me up with an awesome woman.

I want that feeling of never-ending love with somebody. Mentally and emotionally. It's happened a couple times, shit, it could happen again!

I've also been playing a lot of poker lately. I know I'm an intelligent guy, and it seems that there are people who make millions playing poker, why the hell can't it be me?

Blah, blah, blah...not really sure the purpose in getting these words outta me. I saw an old picture of me when I was 14. I used to have beautiful girls getting nervous around me, and now it's like....

I need to get in shape, and get a career lol!