Miss I

I saw my old English teacher tonight while I was at Applebees with my brother.

Miss I. She got married that year, so my class was the last one to refer to her as "Miss I". I don't remember her new name.

When I was a junior in highschool, she was my English teacher. She had to be 23 or 24. She was young, she was the cheerleading coach, and she was the teacher that all of us had a secret crush on. She was a beautiful blonde woman who was assertive, and put me in my place many times that year.

But I remembered her for something else. She was the first teacher I ever had that really believed in me. She honestly thought I was smart, and she saw through all the bullshit and the facades I put up to make myself look cool. After a year in her class, she recommended me for honors English the next year. I took it, but shortly dropped out realizing it was my senior year and I didn't plan on going to college anyway. I never would have taken honors english anyway. But I did it for her, because she really believed in me, and I wanted to prove to everyone she was right. When my teacher the next year was apathetic, it was hard for me to actually WANT to stay in honors english.

One of my friends in her class always used to call me "ugly". While he was only busting my chops, it really got to me. It really lowered my self esteem. I had TERRIBLE acne in highschool, and in that socially awkward stage, it's hard for a man to be assertive and say "who fucking cares?"

It got to me one day. I remember staying after school to hang out with my friends. I had been an asshole in her class that day, and she confronted me in front of my friends. She pulled me aside and didn't talk to me like a teacher, she talked to me like a friend, but a friend who's about to kick your ass. She was pissed. Eventually I cracked and told her I feel like I'm fucking ugly. And she started yelling at me "Don't listen to that kid. Are you kidding? You're not ugly at all! You're a very attractive young man! Why do you even listen to people who aren't as good looking as you?" Maybe those weren't the EXACT words, but it was something almost exactly similar. After she walked away, my friends came up to me and remarked "she's crushing on you!"

I didn't take it that way, but when you're in highschool and hear a teacher remark those words, the rumor train starts.

Miss I had an amazing effect on my life, in ways that I'm still unsure of. In a way, she was like the mom or big sister I wish I had at the time. The one to remind me I'm not ugly, to make me realize I'm smarter than I act or think. She believed in me. And while I sit at Applebees, facing her at the bar, I know who she is.

But does she recognize me? Who knows. I wanted to say hi. I would have loved to say hi. She was with her husband, the same man she married nearly 10 years ago, and I was happy to see that she found real love. They were drinking at the bar, and they were all over each other like highschool students in love. But she kept putting her hands in his crotch area, and after witnessing this, I really didn't feel like saying hi. It's her husband, nothing wrong with being sexual, but at the same time, I looked at her almost like a big sister or a mom, and seeing my mom or big sister doing that would have weirded me out.

The other part of me didn't want to say hello because I didn't want her to know, 9 years after she tried kicking my ass into shape, that I was driving busses. Could she really believe that she would have any effect on students if she saw the one she "inspired" didn't use the intelligence he had the way she expected?

It's funny how sometimes in our life we meet somebody that has a HUGE effect on our life, but they'll never know. It's funny that 10 years later we can recognize their face, and thoughts of them still swirl through our mind, but to them, we're just another face at the bar.

But it gives me pleasure knowing that she's happy. She made my life better, being one of the only teachers I ever had who actually knew how to get through to me, and now, she's still doing the job she loves, with a man she loves, living an awesome life. Props to you Miss I, may the sun shine brightly on you always! : )