Down inside, it's what it all comes down to.
I hung out with a girl named Shannon tonight, and holy shit. She is beautiful. I mean, she's what the world calls "gorgeous": 5'8, blonde hair, blue eyes, I should be in love, right?
No. Honestly, her looks have nothing to do with it. But she's got the same story as every girl for whom I always develop the emotions that kill me inside, and let destroy me. She's the "damsel in distress". She can't get over her ex, but she wants to. And like a fucking idiot, I forced her to talk about him the entire time we hung out.
Mainly, I wanted her to focus on the entire thing so I could expose the negative, but she wound up getting really upset. I don't know where I was going with it, but it was stupid. It was just a dumb way to fuck up something potentially positive.
So at this point, I can only dwell on how I fucked it up in order to improve in the future. I can't catch a case of one-itis, because if there is one girl like her, there can always be another. But in the end, the inspiration inside of me always stirs up when there is a girl with a "sad story" behind her.
The main problem is that I'm not sure if by cutting it off now, I'm doing it because it's what's best for me, or because I'm scared to feel emotions for another, ya know? I'm scared to get burned, cause that is sooo highschool! But should I shun any emotions?
We talked about making out, but we didn't kiss. I didn't initiate it, I actually told her I'm putting her in "friend" zone cause it pissed her off. But it was my own damn fault. She asked me "Are you going to get lost next time you come to my house?" haha.
In the end, I shouldn't be involved because I have too much on my plate, and that's true. I guess it's just that little devil on my shoulder telling me "go for it!" just to prove I can have her, ya know? Hmmm, what to do....
REALLy in the end, for every "special" person you meet, they can always be replaced if you ALLOW yourself to move on. If you dwell and dwell and DWELL, you'll always be stuck in that rut. And as I type this I just realize more and more that I'm devoted to my animation and I want to get shit done. Having a girl like her will only incur problems.
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