Why can't a world exist where men don't have to play games?

Oh women. Women, women, women, women. You say you hate men that play games. Lies. Lies, lies, LIES!

I rewind back to when I was still in my "nice guy" stages of life. Every once in awhile, that attitude creeps up on me and I fuck up a good relationship. Anytime I force myself to be "nice" in lieu of being "myself", it's out the window.

Perfect example. Last week, I was convinced I completely blew the "courtship" process with Shannon. Good girl, the type you take home to your parents, but I fucked up. I texted her the next day and said "lets be movie best friends" since we live right down the street from each other. She agreed saying "I definitely got more of that vibe". Here's the thing, I'm NOT friend material for any woman. I'm too dynamic to be, and that night, I wasn't me. I knew if she ever saw the "real me", she'd want to be more than "friends" in some way or another.

So last night I hung out with Antonia for the first time in awhile. A part of me will always "love" her in a way that I want the best for her. She naturally evokes passion from my soul, and when I'm around her, no matter what I talk about, I'm too passionate. But she loved that. Whether I was talking about art, or even just picking up garbage, I said every word with so much magic behind it. She just got out of a relationship with what she described as a "cardboard box". She said there were countless times that when she was with him she said to herself "I wish he had Fred's passion", and that last night when we spoke, it was the first time in ages that she had an intellectually stimulating conversation.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. But when I see her, I just want to steal her away. But then, the money thing came up again. She kept talking about how I only took her out to dinner TWICE when we were together. In her eyes, "taking her out to dinner" meant taking her to a place that cost fucking $200+! Every single time we went out, I paid. But I had to break up with her because her demands didn't match my lifestyle.

As we talked, I became pissed. Pissed that she still had this in her, a year and a half later, knowing that it was the one thing that would prevent me from ever marrying her. Cause, damn, she's so beautiful, and her body, her curves just turn me on so much, and she's artistic, when somebody is inspiring her (she gave up that lifestyle because of her last boyfriend, and I told her she was no longer beautiful because of that.)

Part of me refused to believe her when she said she didn't want to kiss me. I always push people to kiss me, but not in ways that make them uncomfortable. I've never had a girl feel uncomfortable around me. I just didn't honestly believe she didn't want to kiss me. And I miss kissing her, she has big lips, and they're soft, and she kisses with passion, and I just wanted to feel her lips because she believed that she lost all passion for art, for life, but I knew that she would feel passion for the first time in years if our lips met. But she adamantly refused, albeit in a jocular way.

As I drove home, I was disgusted at myself. Disgusted that I tried taking another shot with her. The truth is, I'm about control. I always just want to prove to people that I'm smarter than them. I've left and come back to Antonia so many times, that I've already proved my point, and I felt it was childish for me to see her again. She's such a major catalyst of INSANE passion inside of me, but that "gold digger" side of her extinguishes every ounce of passion I have for her faster than a speeding train.

So where am I going with this? Oh, just watch...

On my way home, Shannon texted me. She asked if I wanted to meet at a bar by my house for drinks. Sure, I said, why not? And I knew, since Antonia's presence had ignited passion in me, that THIS night, Shannon would fall "in like" with me.

Why is that? Why is that true? Why is it that I know that? I mean, ask most women, and they'll agree: it's always interesting when there's a chase. I knew, that by the end of the night, me and Shannon would be making out, and it had nothing to do with me or her: it had to do with the fact that I concentrated all my passion on another woman, and that Shannon wanted me to concentrate that on her.

Now, don't get me wrong. Shannon is amazing. She's a beautiful girl, intelligent as hell, and the "she can't get over her ex" is bullshit. When we talked, in her mind, he wasn't worth getting over in exchange for me, and in all fairness, I wasn't myself, so I don't blame her.

So I went to the bar, and we made a toast to "making idiot exes regret leaving us" and I went into a passionate tirade about how fucking stupid Antonia was for letting somebody steal the true beauty from her soul, and that she was okay with it. The more I talked about Antonia, the more I could see Shannon was getting more comfortable around me. She invited me back to her house, and it was about 1am.

While we were at her house, she kept giving me beer saying she wanted me to get drunk. She seemed to believe that I was adamant about her being in the "friend zone", because I could see in her eyes, she wanted to kiss me. She mentioned a few times that only her ex BF and her "best guy friend" whom she had known for 16 years were the only other guys that she ever invited to her basement at this time in the morning, and she's only know me for 2 weeks. Ha, what can I say? I know how to make girls feel comfortable! That's not a trick though, that's just me being me: I don't judge people. (Funny thing: I started reading Zodiac signs, I always thought they were so full of shit until I read it, and holy fuck, the description for an "Aquarius" describes me almost to the T! So when I talk to multiple girls at once, it's not because I'm a slut, it's because I lose stimulation fast, unless 1 girl can constantly stimulate me with her intellect. I guess that's why intelligence is one of my biggest turn ons in a woman!)

Okay anyway, we talked for hours as usual. I did one "pick up artist" move (which, by the way, I told her "this is a pick up artist move, tell me if it works!") where you do a trust test. You basically spin a girl around, and then hold her in your arms. And you say to her "relax....just imagine, we're watching tv together..." and you build a whole comfort scene, where the two of you are snuggling, and enjoying being close with somebody else. In the end, you push her away and say "Show's over!" Basically, if a girl is feeling you, and is comfortable around you, she will want that feeling of "closeness" with you again.

Even though I TOLD her it was from a PICK UP ARTIST book, it still worked. That doesn't mean she's stupid, it just proves that men and women think on different wave lengths. Men are thought driven while women are emotionally driven. If being close to me felt good, it didn't matter to her where the fuck I got the idea from, as long as she could experience that feeling again!

She went upstairs for 2 minutes, came down, and then laid down next to me on the floor (I was sitting up). I knew she wanted me to make the move, so I did it in the easiest way possible: I said "I'm going to give you a mohawk!" I know girls LOVE getting their hair played with (except 1 that I dated, and it was weird....lol) So once I started touching her hair, I asked her "Do you like it when guys play with your hair?" She said "Yes."

In girl language, that means "keep going". If she didn't like it, she'd say something like "not really" or "it's okay, I guess". As I caressed her hair, I could see her closing her eyes as if she was "at home". She looked beautiful. I started caressing her neck, and her arms, and then I said "I'd kiss your forehead, but it might be hard for me to bend over" and she said "do it anyway".

Of course, that means "DO IT DAMMIT!" I was thinking of kissing her on her lips and saying "whoops I missed", but I just kissed her forehead. See, when I kiss, whether it's making out, or just kissing cheeks or foreheads, I always protrude my lips firmly but softly, to the point where it feels like my lips are larger than what they actually are. I hate it when people kiss without protruding their lips, it's the least passionate kiss you can feel EVER!

After I kissed her forehead, she got up and said "you know what..." She turned around, put her arms around my head, and pulled her face close to mine, and we started kissing. And I gotta say, dude, it was a beautiful moment. She sat in my lap, and there we were, kissing on the basement floor at 4am. She wouldn't stop kissing me either. I mean, I know, I'm a good kisser, and to be honest, it works against me. I like kissing, but at the same time, dude, I hate PDA and I hate it when all somebody wants to do is kiss. It's too much "smothering", but it felt right. There was really only one time in my life that I ever kissed someone, for almost 4 hours straight, and I couldn't get enough, and that was Sarah, but with Shannon, it was close. I didn't feel smothered, and it felt good.

Afterwards I had to leave. She invited me to come eat Sushi for lunch, but I knew that was just the alcohol talking. She was drunk, I was a little drunk, and I've been in this situation before with the Limoncello and all, so I'm smart enough not to read "too much" into it.

But here's the ultimate crux. 9 times out of 10, I can't text the girl the next day, until she texts me first. Shannon may be the exception, because she is SO insecure, that her insecurity adds an extra contingency. Basically, I don't want to ask her to hang out the next day, because it may seem like I'm "developing feelings" that make her feel uncomfortable. At the same time, if I don't ask her out, she may feel that she "kissed badly" or I "thought she was ugly".

In the end, this is bullshit. Really, why did it have to take me bitching about an ex for her to want me? Is that the key?

YES! YES! YES! YES! is the answer, for BOTH sexes, cause it works on me too! Whenever I'm with a girl, and she talks about a "long lost" love, I WANT HER MORE! It worked the same way!

She texted me in the morning saying she definitely wants to go to Six flags soon! But the sushi thing didn't happen. She didn't text me after she got out of work. I wonder if what happened last night scared her.

So what did I do? The only thing I could do to make sure I didn't fall in love: hook up with somebody else.

I know, shoot me. I don't know why I did it, it felt so unfulfilling. I wish I could tell Shannon the good things, I wish I could convince her that we could make a relationship work, but unfortunately, the only way a girl like her is going to keep being interested in me, is if I pull the cat string.

I went to bar tonight with this girl Kat, who just broke up with her boyfriend. This girl was "super clingy", I mean from the second I walked in, she was all over me. It was funny, she's a very very sexy girl, and a hundred dudes all dressed up and primped properly were trying to get with her, and then I walk in, in a dirty unironed shirt, and dirty shorts, and she still wouldn't stop kissing me for more than 5 seconds.

It makes me sad though. Why can't life be easy? Why does it have to be this way? Why can't two adults just "show their cards" and act like adults about it? It's mainly because attraction isn't built on "what's best for you", it's instead built on "what challenges you". It's like when the whole world says "you can't be an actor!" and you do it anyway.

And while I was there, fucking Giselle calls me at 3am, and asks me if I wanted to chill, before changing her mind.

It's been a stupid week with girls. And honestly, it's not cute, it's not fun anymore. I'm angry about it. I should feel like the FUCKING man, right? No, I'm not, because my emotions are just a big pile of shit. I was making out with a girl who was passionately kissing me, and I wasn't turned on, and I kept pushing her away (that made her want it more, but I was serious lol).
But when I go home, I get the pleasure of feeling EMPTY AS FUCK. It meant nothing, and I haven't heard from the girl I care about.

So I don't know what my conclusion here is. I really don't. Maybe women are a commodity for men, just as much as men should be commodity for women. Maybe we are really just accessories to each other. Does anyone exist that will really stimulate me the way I need?

Also, with my new found "fun-ness" with these Zodiac signs, I actually want to try dating people who are "compatible" with my sign, just to fucking see if it's true. According to the Zodiac, both Shannon and Antonia are the LEAST compatible with me (both of them are Cancers). Other interesting things: according to the Zodiac, SARAH was least compatible with me, as she was a Taurus, and so was the ex I hatedly refer to as "Kankles".

I've dated 2 people who were a Libra or a Sagitarius, which are highly compatible, and those relationships ended, but they ended on very good terms. I saw a Gemini once, but that ended because I was a retard. Maybe that's why I need to give a shot? Eh?

I sound like an old fat woman talking about this Zodiac shit! LOL