I guess it's a good thing to be frustrated about. In ensuring that each song is "at it's best", it seems to strip a bit away from the soul of the song. Two of the songs in particular (LIMONCELLO and MAKE OR BREAK IT) seem almost TOO good. Almost as if they don't belong on this album. It makes me a little upset because these songs mean SO fucking much to me (as do all my songs), but these ones are sounding like something that I didn't envision when I wrote the song originally.
Everytime I write a song, I have it from a summer-sounding perspective. These songs sound like something you would hear on mainstream stations almost, but not on a Summers Last Wave record. And it's almost as if the maturity in my songwriting is pellucid in these, while earlier songs such as SHE NEVER GETS WHAT SHE WANTS are beginning to show "immaturity".
The sad thing is I feel like a piece of these songs are missing. I don't know what, and I don't know why. It's just something. It's almost as if I feel like they weren't written by me. Maybe it's just the future that I need to grow accustomed to.
From this point out, every song I write is going to be in the style of these two songs. Well, not so much STYLE but, unintentionally they will be written with my new world view, and from the perspective of a 25 year old Fred, not a 18-19 year old boy. I guess I find it depressing, because it's losing a piece of what songwriting originally meant to me. To be honest though, I really don't know how. I'm feeling a bit depressed today about these songs, and I have no fucking clue why. I wish I could put my finger on it. It's almost as if they weren't written by me. It's like they wrote themselves.
If you're reading this, you may think I'm insane or something. I guess if you're a real songwriter/poet you would understand exactly what I mean. If you are an everyday black and white thinker, then this is foreign to you.
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