Happy : D

It was amazing to see Sarah tonight. I really can't explain it. I was nervous as hell walking in. I tried having my rockstar swag on, trying to remind myself that we made a ton of friends last night and we were chilling with a huge band, just to help keep myself leveled. And then I saw her. For the first time since December 2007. And she was sparkling.

She was with her mom and 2 of her mom's friends, with whom I turned on my instant charm. Parents always love me. Not that this matters much in this situation, but I'm great at telling jokes.

We headed to Dave and Busters. It was her idea and I got excited. There were a couple of times in her talking she incidentally brushed my shoulder, but I think there was something in the back of her mind that was cautious about this. But I'm not gonna lie, just looking at her, it put things into perspective. This is the only girl in the world who can do this to me. I'm shooting for an impossible dream, a dream which will bring a ton of women into my life, and she'll always be the only one who knocks me out. It feels like every inch of me melted.

It's that smile, that fucking smile. I just can't stress it enough. It's so perfect that it's chilling. It cures me inside. I just felt at peace being with her. And I loved it. It was just like it used to be when it was just me and her hanging out. I always felt like I was in my own world with she was the o-zone layer. She kept warm the oxygen I breathed. She always made me feel like everything was right, and anytime we were together, I did whatever I could to keep her with me as long as possible. I hoped to do this tonight. I hoped this night never would end.

I went into the night thinking it would be the last time I ever saw her. But it turned out to be something much different. As we talked, I brought up life, love, happiness and all that shit! She seemed scared of the future. She's got two more classes left in college before she's finished. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she got tense. She said it's cause people keep asking her "when are you getting married/what are you going to do with your life?" She felt pressure. I answered it assuringly: just don't do it. (I actually brushed my shoulder to illustrate it!) I actually was surprised she was questioning marrying the dude she's with. I figured it would be a shoe-in at this point, but after 4-5 years, she's still unsure.

After I heard this, I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell her what she meant to me, the songs, or anything. I didn't want to confuse her or push her one way or the other. (to be continued...)